Hey there, beautiful souls! Welcome to my Little corner of the internet. My name is M, and I wanted to share a bit of my journey with you.
The path to parenthood is an intimate and deeply personal one, filled with joy and challenges. For my wife A and me, this journey took on a unique dimension as a multi-race lesbian couple, with the added complexity of living with dwarfism. Our pursuit of starting a family was marred by discrimination from various angles, and we faced profound questions about whether we should even bring a child into the world.
As a mixed lesbian couple, we encountered discrimination based on our race and sexual orientation. Owing to our dwarfism, we faced discrimination and ignorance from healthcare professionals, fertility clinics, and even friends with good intentions. The assumption that individuals with dwarfism cannot be capable and loving parents was a constant source of frustration for both A and me.
Navigating the healthcare system brought its own set of challenges. Some healthcare professionals lacked cultural competence, dismissing our concerns and questions. We often found ourselves advocating for our own needs and simultaneously educating medical professionals about the challenges we faced with professionals throwing in inappropriate questions about whether our child would be “normal sized” or not!
The world of fertility clinics posed another uphill battle. We encountered scepticism and reluctance from specialists unfamiliar with cases like ours. The lack of representation and understanding of diverse family structures within the medical community intensified our struggle. The frustrating part was we’d already done ALL of the research and had a LOT of information to share.
Our fertility journey was relatively straightforward if you can ignore the ableism, racism, and homophobia. I got pregnant on our first try. Like any excited parents-to-be, we eagerly signed up for antenatal classes at our local maternity clinic. Despite my enthusiasm and knowledge about pregnancy, the instructors seemed to have missed the memo. The excessive conflation of “small” with “young” was often rage inducing and I was treated like a child, my stature apparently overshadowing my ability to understand the miracle of life. It wasn’t easy, but I stood my ground, determined to show that being vertically challenged didn’t mean I lacked wisdom or strength.
Here is a great blog with information about how pregnancy can be different for little people.
Love knows no boundaries, but unfortunately, society sometimes does. Despite the hardships, Aisha and I drew strength from within the LGBTQ+ and dwarfism communities. Connecting with others who had faced similar struggles provided us with a sense of solidarity and empowerment.
In the end, after all the challenges, A and I welcomed our beautiful daughter into the world. We named her Joy as that is what she has brought to us. The love and acceptance we shower on her is creating a foundation of strength and resilience. Our story a call for a more inclusive and understanding society that embraces diverse family structures. As we celebrate the triumphs of couples like A and me, let us also acknowledge the work that remains to be done in dismantling discriminatory practices and fostering an environment where every individual can pursue their dreams of parenthood without fear of judgment.
Love and light, M, A & Baby Joy ✨💖
Further Reading:
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4989701/
https://www.babymed.com/pregnancy/achondroplasia-and-pregnancy
https://www.jogc.com/article/S1701-2163(20)30119-5/fulltext
https://www.beyondachondroplasia.org/en/news/news-all/medicine/179-pregnancy-with-achondroplasia