I’m pregnant! And I also happen to be a man.


I’m pregnant! And I also happen to be a man.

I’m pregnant! And I also happen to be a man. People seem to find this interesting, so I thought I would share a little bit about my journey, which in some ways has been very unique and in others has really been no different than any other pregnant person.

We’ve had a few people tell us they didn’t even know this was possible. Not every trans man can, or would want to, become pregnant. As I still have my uterus and ovaries it was an option; when my partner and I decided we wanted children, it seemed like the most practical route, with no cost, no third parties and no fertility treatments. I had been on testosterone for 8.5 years and whilst there is absolutely NO evidence that testosterone impacts long-term fertility, there’s really no research at all. Whilst I knew anecdotally that many other trans people had become pregnant after testosterone, there was always that slight worry that I would be the unlucky one.

You do have to stop taking testosterone – it can impact on the pregnancy (you need quite a delicate balance of hormones like progesterone and oestrogen to get & stay pregnant and testosterone can interfere with that) and there is not a lot of evidence about the safety of high testosterone levels on the development of the baby either. So I stopped taking it and then waited (not so) patiently for my hormone levels to return to pre-t levels. For me that took about 6 months, and I won’t go into all the gory details here but lets just say it took a while for my body to settle back into a normal hormone cycle and things were a bit funky for a while there. In terms of other changes, I really didn’t notice much. Things like body hair, voice and genital changes on testosterone are permanent; they don’t reverse when you stop taking it. My body now is a little curvier and my body hair seems softer and lighter, but I didn’t notice any of these changes until after I got pregnant.

The pregnancy itself has been quite a rollercoaster. 

As you can imagine this is very much a planned and wanted baby and we both went through a lot to get that positive test. We were overjoyed when we did – I think I screamed! Quickly my spirits were dampened when we encountered issues right from the start accessing antenatal care. The hospital told me that because my NHS number was male, I couldn’t be booked into any appointments related to pregnancy and birth. The computer said no and that was that.

It was scary and it was really deflating when we were so happy and excited to run into immediate resistance because of the fact I was trans. After many frustrating phone calls with ignorant admin staff asking me pretty inappropriate or downright bizarre questions, I submitted a complaint, and thankfully this made it to the right people who were able to bypass the team I had been battling with and get me an appointment. It required (and still does) a less-than-ideal workaround that essentially involves the hospital manually changing my sex back to female on their system. Not great, but I deal with it because it gets me the care that I need. The hospital are also working with the software provider to try and fix this for the future but of course, nothing ever happens quickly.

Since then there have continued to be a lot of ups and downs; most of the downs are related to non- medical staff, to computer systems, and to paperwork and letter templates. Thankfully, almost all of the medical staff including doctors, midwives and healthcare assistants have been fantastic, apart from the occasional slip up here & there which has never felt malicious. We have an allocated midwife who has gone above & beyond to make sure we are comfortable and well cared for throughout the pregnancy.

I can’t say it’s ever comfortable sitting in a waiting room as a visibly pregnant man with other patients staring, eavesdropping, or giving us funny looks, but I try and tune it out and remember that at the end of all of this, the only thing that really matters is that we have our baby. That said, I hope along the way that we have made a few people think and maybe adjust their perspective on what a pregnant person might look like.

Physically, what I have gone through is really the same as any other pregnant person… Emotionally, it’s been strange.

Physically, what I have gone through is really the same as any other pregnant person. I got the usual symptoms; nausea, fatigue, aches and pains, reflux, fluctuating mood/emotions. My body has changed in the typical ways – mainly the giant belly. I now struggle to walk very far without feeling sore and exhausted, and I need to remind myself to take it easy.

Emotionally, it’s been strange. The negative thoughts that I’ve had have always been linked to how others perceive me. Are people staring, thinking I’m a freak? Can they tell I’m pregnant and will someone say something nasty, or worse – be violent towards me? I get nervous about every appointment in case someone says or does something wrong. I was scared to tell my work colleagues in case they reacted badly (thankfully they’ve all been fantastic). I’ve also been grumpy about feeling rubbish physically. But something I was surprised about is that I have never once felt negatively about actually being pregnant as a trans man. I was worried it might make me dysphoric or feel feminine but in fact it’s done the opposite.

I feel like I love and appreciate my body, and being trans, in a way that I never have before. Being trans I’ve often asked myself ‘why?’. It can be amazing and joyful but it can also be pretty shit. Having to take so many steps to feel comfortable with myself or allow others to perceive me the way that I feel inside. It’s easy sometimes to wish that I was just born cis. But now, it feels like it was all for a reason. Everything that has happened in my life, all that I have been through, has brought me to this moment, going on this amazing journey of parenthood with the best person I ever could have hoped for by my side. And my trans body allowed us to do this.

I honestly don’t feel like any less of a man being pregnant. I’m a man that happens to have a uterus – why not make the most of that if I want to? I know for a lot of cis women, pregnancy and childbirth is a really significant, important, empowering part of their gender identity and I would never want to take away from that. But I just want people to know that it doesn’t have to be inherently feminine. Non binary people can be pregnant, and trans men can be pregnant, and it can feel empowering for us too.

Last week was hard.

 We were in hospital and found out that my cervix has started softening and opening sooner than it should, which puts me at risk of going into labour a lot earlier than expected. I felt frustrated and angry and like I had somehow failed but then my partner (being wonderful as usual, despite having barely slept after staying with me in hospital all week on a broken recliner chair that made sleep near impossible) helped me look at it another way: My body has kept this baby safe and strong and healthy for over 31 weeks now. If they were born today, the odds are very much in their favour. So thank you to my body for getting us this far. Hopefully we can keep going for a few more weeks to let our baby get even bigger and stronger but we are mostly out of the woods now either way. I’ve been allowed home, which is such a relief, and I have to take it extra easy and go back to hospital 3 times a week for check ups, but it will be worth it.

Thank you to everyone that has been there and been supportive along the way;

Thank you to everyone that has been there and been supportive along the way; friends, family, healthcare professionals, colleagues, everyone that has engaged with our posts online and shared the love and excitement. Thank you to my partners amazing mum who has birthed 7 children and really has seen it all, so has been such a great source of reassurance when I’ve been worrying about various weird and wonderful pregnancy symptoms.

Thank you to my mum who is always on the end of the phone, who came to see me (with snacks!) when I was stuck in hospital and who rushed across the city to pick up supplies for us when we thought the baby might be making an imminent appearance. Thank you to my sister who has also been so supportive and helpful, listening to my pregnancy woes and sharing a wealth of resources.

And most of all thank you to the only person I would ever want to have done this with, my incredible partner, who genuinely could not have been more patient and supportive when I’ve been complaining or when I’ve been catastraphising or being a drama queen. I’m so glad to be with someone who I love so much, who is equally, 1000% all-in, and already loves this baby that we haven’t even met yet, just as much as I do. With how much they care for me and have supported me, I know our baby will have the same and I feel so glad that our baby has two parents who are both there for them unconditionally, and they are going to be surrounded by so much love.

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The Queer Parenting Partnership was launched in 2020, in response to the shocking lack of birth and parenting support services for LGBTQ+ people in the UK.

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