TW: Discussion of CSA, miscarriage, "corrective surgery", adoption
I didn’t know I was born intersex until after I had my first child
When I first found out I was pregnant with S at age 18 I was completely shocked.
When I first found out I was pregnant with S at age 18 I was completely shocked. I had been under the impression that I couldn’t get pregnant. I wasn’t too worried at first because I thought it was going to be like my first pregnancy where I would miscarry within the first trimester. Until I didn’t, and I was over run with fear.
I was in the process of changing my name. I couldn’t get a job at the time or make money in a way that wouldn’t be demeaning. Quite frankly I couldn’t afford to care for a child, financially or mentally, and I knew I didn’t want the child to grow up living a life any where near the same way I lived mine. I didn’t have valid license, ID, social security card, or even birth certificate at the time. My insurance was a mess too.
My midwife pointed me in the direction of Adoptions From The Heart.
I planned on keeping the little bean originally, getting help from Planned Parenthood and co-parenting with S’s other dad. Things didn’t go that well as he turned his back on me and his own soon to be child, stating that he didn’t even know if it was his kid. I got scared and talked to my midwife and she pointed me in the direction of Adoptions From The Heart. My hero there was Stephanie Capriotti, the most amazing woman who helped me with everything she could. She got me the perfect families to pick from and made sure to make everything super easy for me.
When I went in it was scary at first but knowing that open adoption was a possibility made everything less heart wrenching. I knew I wanted an LGBTQIA+ family because I needed someone who wasn’t going to force gender roles on S or tell them that being themself is wrong. I also wanted someone who was willing to let me see S enough to form some sort of bond or at least be a known figure. I got to pick from about 25 families, I went through all based on how many visits they were okay with. Then the ones that I was good with on visit time I went through based on communication and it boiled down to two couples. I picked T & J because they allowed for the most communication and the most visits.
They found I have one teste and one ovary